In case the new sleeping arrangement, wakeful nights, and a sharp increase in baby products all over the house do not clue you in to your new status as a father, I have prepared a checklist that will convince you that you have indeed become one.
1) The designs on your spotless white shirt are created by your baby’s posterior and anterior ends.
2) You stop browsing HotWheels.com and start searching the index of AskDr.Warren.com.
3)Your boss catches you asleep on your desk at least 5 times in a week and all you can mumble is “colicky baby.”
4)Your colleagues discover and forward embarrassing photos of you in your laptop…..those in which you were wearing a bright, shiny, conical birthday hat and blowing a party blower.
5) Your chest expands when you hear cries of “Oh! What a handsome fellow!” and “Isn't he cute?” and deflates when you realize that the girls are referring to the bundle of joy in your arms and not to you.
6) The sights, sounds and content of baby diapers become the topic of conversation at the dinner table.
7) Your mother in law seems to have moved in.
8) You will know that you are a father when you find your mobile phone in the bathtub, your slippers in the fridge and your watch on the teddy bear.
9)You are found watching the Baby Channel when the FIFA World Cup is going on. Any attempt to change the channel is met with a vehement, voluble wailing sound.
10)Tom and Jerry, Dora the Explorer and Sponge Bob Square Pants seem to be permanent residents of your house. Everything around you seems to have come straight out of Nick Jr. or Cartoon Network___ your bed sheets, towels, tooth brushes, crockery, posters on the walls and what not.
11)Instead of financial pages in newspapers and Forbes Magazine 100 New Millionaires, you are found reading bedtime tales and making animal and aeroplane sounds to a relentless, demanding pint-size audience.
12)Every word that you utter in the house in countermanded by a “why?” You begin to rue the day when your child first shook his head to indicate a “no” and you found it cute.
13)Your walls are adorned by a new form of artistic expression; a grand mixture of calligraphy, miniature, finger painting and abstract art that leaves you stunned and speechless.
14)The interior of your car has received a similar treatment but with food items like chocolates, ketchup, ice cream and spilled liquids.
15)Tranquility, peace, quiet and silence are abstract concepts that your tired mind likes to conjure up sometimes. An uninterrupted conversation with your better half becomes a long forgotten memory.
16)The word “shopping”, “traveling” and “let’s go out for dinner” make you break out in a cold sweat. A trip to the beach or visiting some family member seems like as if you are moving houses.
17)You readily drive extra miles and take long detours to avoid the fast food restaurant with golden arches. (M)
And last but not the least; your life may have turned upside down and inside out but when a sticky, grubby, melted chocolate covered hand grasps your index finger and you feel as if you own the world, you know that you have indeed become a father..
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