Birthday Celebrations in Schools

One event that excites children to no end is their birthday. It is a special day for them and the images of cakes, candles, gifts and confetti are enough to keep them awake all night. Birthday for a child is a big occasion which they want to celebrate with their friends and family members with as much pomp and show as possible.

In recent years, it has become a norm for parents to arrange extravagant birthday parties in schools where they bring cake, birthday hats and goodie bags for the whole class. In some cases goodie bags are a treasure trove of imported chocolates, sweets, art supplies, candies and other expensive items. However, this trend is giving rise to some serious emotional issues in those children whose parents cannot afford to do the same on their birthday.

Children in Montessori or nursery schools are too young to understand the concept of what their parents can afford or cannot afford. When they see a child basking in the limelight with everyone clapping for him, singing the birthday song and bringing gifts and sweets for the whole class, it is only natural that they want the same for their birthday.

More and more middle class families are working hard to send their children to elite schools for sake of better educational opportunities. But once enrolled, it is very tragic really that the difference between haves and haves-not becomes apparent to children as young as 3-4 years old.

Children from rich families know even at that tender age that they are different from those who do not have big cars, expensive houses, mini toy stores at home and maids to look after them. Children from middle class know that their parents cannot give them the things that some of their class fellows take for granted. This is giving rise to arrogance and superiority complex on one side and jealousy, envy and depression on the other side. All these negative emotions are very detrimental for any child’s emotional and character development.

School administration should take a strong stand against parents who wish to show off their wealth within school environment. No child should be made to feel special because he or she comes from a privileged background or just because “Daddy brought a remote control helicopter from Dubai” or “My maid is from Philippines and I have so many servants in my home.”

Any celebration that needs to be done must be the same for every child like having a picture on a school board with Happy Birthday sticker displayed for the day, the birthday song sung by the class fellows or allowing distribution of inexpensive sweets.

Parents who wish to throw themed parties for their children can arrange a big birthday bash at home with friends and family members but at school, children should be just children. Class, social status and elitism should be left outside one a child enters the school premises. Wealthy parents must realize that the cost of arranging an extravagant birthday party for their child is too high if it is making other children in the class depressed and victims of inferiority complex.

On the other hand, it is a fact that children cannot be protected from harsh realities of life all the time. Parents need to be able to communicate with their children and tell them with honesty that some people have a lot more money than others. Parents who have a strong, loving relationship with their children are able to thwart feelings of inferiority complex or sadness when it arises.

Children need to understand that expensive toys, branded watches, bags, shoes and foreign trips are not possible for everyone and material possessions are not the most important things on earth. Not every wish can be granted nor every whim fulfilled. Even if parents can afford to, it is a terrible idea to pamper the children too much or give in to their every demand.

Parents who themselves have a contented spirit and moderate outlook on life can teach their children good values. If parents are bitter, angry and show signs of jealousy and discontent, children are quick to pick these nuances from them and will view the world and all it contains in a negative state of mind.

OMG! I Sound Just Like My Mom

There are a few dire warnings, threats and statements which desi mothers are prone to make, and these are handed down generations like precious heirlooms.

When I was growing up, I would roll my eyes, grind my teeth, or swear to myself that I would never say such things to my children but I guess unconsciously we absorb a lot of things from our parents. Now that we have children of our own, and we face similar obstinacy, battles and questions, we cannot resist using the same ploys our parents, especially moms, used on us.

The Flying Chappal Threat:

This is the perennial threat that is issued most during summer vacations and weekends. Sick and tired of seeing children lying comatose on beds all day or walking like zombies between the fridge and television, this “Uthtay ho ya jooti aye” threat was issued to me and my siblings on a daily basis. Maybe my mother thought she can frighten us into doing something constructive with our time. I am sorry to say that it failed to galvanize us siblings 25 years ago and falls on deaf ears in my household too.

The “Because I say so” dictum:

The ultimate response to every “Why” question throughout history has to be “because I say so.” It is a feeble way to establish authority or put an end to all pesky questions children come up with. Mothers use it as a way to re-assure themselves that they are the ones laying down the rules in the house and not the pint size toddler asking mutinously why she cannot have the fourth scoop of ice-cream.

The “if your friend jumps into a well” question:

Throughout my school and college years, if I dared to bring up a friend’s name in order to win an argument, the “If your friend jumped off a cliff/into a well, would you do it, too?” was the pat response that my mom used to win every debate.

It was no use telling her that my friend was not jumping into a well but was going to a cinema to watch the latest blockbuster or visiting the latest mall for some window shopping but in eyes of my mom, these activities translated to the same thing. I also use the same dictum with reasonable success against my children because it is so much fun to say it and then see them roll their eyes.

The “famine in Africa” reminder

Mealtimes are constant battles nowadays with picky eaters who refuse to eat anything remotely healthy and nutritious. They think it is an affront to eat plain rice, daal, chapatti and vegetable dishes when there are pizzas, burgers, tacos and street food available.

When I remind my children there are children starving in Africa who would love to have the food that they are wasting, I can almost hear my mother say the same thing.

The addiction-to-TV accusation:

In my childhood cartoons were precious and we were seldom allowed to watch movies. However on rare occasions when we were allowed to watch TV, we would get as close to the screen as possible as all family members would crowd in the same room to watch the favorite programme or cricket match. So I felt it was very unjust when our parents said “TV ka nasha hai tum logon ko” or “TV may ghuss ker baith jao.” Guess my horror when I find myself saying the same words to my children.

The ‘does money grow on trees’ question:

I must confess that this question which we grew up listening to whenever we asked for new clothes or shoes is a little obsolete now. Our children know that money does not grow on trees. They think it spills out of ATM machines.

The eyes vs button comparison:

Isn’t it strange that children’s eyes are usually very sharp when it comes to most things that they should not see or observe but send them to find a certain item from a drawer or room, and they will always come back empty handed?

Children also spend a lot of time looking for books, pens, and other stationary items that are right before their eyes on the study table and can waste an enormous amount of time looking for them while studying.

Often exasperated by our inability to find our socks or a matching thread, my mother would say “Aankhain hain ya button?”And yes, I say exactly the same words to my children for the exact same offense.

The hygiene mantra:

Brush your teeth. Comb your hair. Use soap and water. What’s that smell? When did you last change your socks? What’s THAT on your bed? What’s THIS under your bed? When did you last clean your room? Every time I hear these questions coming out of my mouth, I mentally apologize to my mother for this can only be cosmic retribution for my childhood misdemeanors.

Well history tends to repeat itself and I guess, I do sound like my mom while dealing with my own children. And maybe it is not such a bad thing after all.

The Stranger In My House

How was your day?

Fine.

Anything new in school?

No.

Everything alright?

Yes.

While conversing with your teenager, you might wonder if there was really a time when your child used to talk nonstop. As toddlers, from the moment they opened their eyes to the minute they went to sleep, all they did was chatter and all you wanted was just five minutes of silence in the house.

Everything around a young child is a source of inspiration and a topic for endless commentary…toothbrush, teddy bear, egg and toast, butterfly, drive in the car, clouds, rain, ice cream, flowers, teachers, friends, school bag, colour pencils, lunch-box, Dora the explorer, Tom and Jerry…even an ant crawling up the wall is enough to make them talk incessantly with bright eyes and an animated expression.

Fast forward a few years and you will be justified to feel that some moody, silent stranger has replaced your exuberant, talkative child and the two of you do not even speak the same language.

Every question you ask is answered by a monosyllabic yes, no, or fine. Getting a proper answer out of them is as painful and arduous as getting a tooth pulled out and believe me when I tell you that tooth extraction is a truly painful procedure.

Have you ever wondered when it is that our children start shutting us out of their lives? When they feel they no longer need to tell us anything that is going on in school or after school or they can longer confide their worries to us. When did their problems get so big that that they started thinking that we, the parents, will be unable to help them? When it is that our approval or even permission becomes unimportant or irrelevant.

I feel a lot of this has to do with the way we communicate with our children. The words we use, how we respond to things they say and above all, our body language affects our relationship with our children. This can have a huge impact on whether they will feel comfortable talking to us about the big issues they will one day face as teenagers.

Renowned author and cultural historian Catherine M. Wallace says: “Listen earnestly to anything your children want to tell you, no matter what. If you don’t listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little, they won’t tell you the big stuff when they are big, because to them all of it has always been big stuff.”

These are wise words indeed.

If we do not listen to our children or support their little achievements or encourage them not to be afraid of failure when they are young, our children in later lives will become moody, silent and secretive.

Teenagers love to test their boundaries, That is why in most homes there are battles about what they eat, what they wear, the amount of time they spend on gadgets or watching TV and movies, the friends they hang out with, the company they keep, when they sleep and how much of their focus is on their studies.

Frustrated by their attitude, parents sometimes say harsh things in anger or desperation. Phrases like “how can you be so stupid?”, “don’t bother me” or “you will amount to nothing in life” can really hurt your child’s self esteem. And next time they feel justified in doing things secretively or not letting you about certain things they are encountering in life.

Similarly if parents are always criticizing their children’s appearance or choices, they will hesitate to confide in you or listen to what you have to say.

Instead of lecturing or scolding, the best way to talk to a teenager is to ask his opinion. For example instead of saying, “have you seen how dirty your room is?”, ask your child “how can your room be made better?” The chances are the teenager will see his room with new eyes.

Instead of saying, “You are always wasting your time,” ask, “Are you interested in learning a new skill like swimming or tennis?” Engage them in conversation, give them options and respect their opinion too. Otherwise they may start having thoughts like; “They are always scolding me”, “They don’t understand my problems,” or “They would be so disappointed in me!”

While talking to my own teenagers, I find that instead of taking part in a yelling, glaring and shouting match, it is best to give them space and time if they are upset. Just tell them that you are here to listen to them and they can come to you anytime.

The onus is on the parents to keep communication doors open and not make the teens feel alone and alienated. Otherwise teenagers might prefer to get advice or comfort from friends or social media which is not always the best or the safest option.

Say Alhamdulillah!

During their childhood, we try to teach our children the magic words: Thank you, Please, I’m sorry, you are welcome etc. It is true that that children who use these words appear well mannered but I feel that we adults need to learn a few magic words and teach them to our children as well.

The first word is Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah is a unique words that contains in it all aspects of gratitude and praise to Allah. It is an acknowledgement of all the favours bestowed upon us by Allah. Saying this word with sincerity drives away all traces of all negative emotions like distress, sorrow, envy, jealousy, depression, pessimism etc.

The word is literally like an antibacterial soap. It makes you grateful and it makes you thankful and it gives you a positive outlook on life.

So say Alhamdulillah when you wake up in the morning, when you sit in your car, when you drop your children to school, when you eat food, when you wear a dress, when you open the door of your home and your office, when you buy fruits and vegetables. Paying your bills, say Alhamdulillah for you have a home where you use water, electricity and gas for how many do not even have a roof over their heads. 

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Say Alhamdulillah if you sleep on a soft mattress and have a blanket to cover you fo how many people are shivering in the winters. Say Alhamdulillah when you enjoy a cup of hot tea or coffee or when your children eat chocolates for these are luxuries millions cannot afford. Say Alhamdulillah when your children sit down to do their homework for how many children are unable to read a single word.

Saying Alhamdulillah makes you look at the positive side of life. And when you thank Allah for His blessings sincerely, Allah's promise becomes binding.

“And remember when your Lord proclaimed, “If you are grateful, I will surely increase you in favour. But if you deny indeed, my punishment is severe.” [Quran: Chapter 14, Verse 7]

Why wouldn’t you thank Allah for the countless blessings that have been bestowed upon you? Please make it a habit to say Alhamdulillah frequently and with sincerity.

Teaching your child good manners

Teaching your child good manners

Remember the kid who came to your son’s birthday party and turned it into a nightmare with his incessant demands, tantrums and loud bawling. Care to think about the child whom you saw kicking and screaming at McDonalds because they were out of his favourite toy. 

Did you hear about a distant cousin’s son who is in the habit of overturning the dining table if his favourite meal is not served? These examples are just a few cases of children who are being brought up without the slightest idea of what having good manners entail.

Good manners are more than just saying “please” and “thank you”. They are a way of showing respect to others and a sign of a good upbringing. Instilling good manners in children is one of the most important aspects of parenting and this should begin as soon as the child becomes cognizant of his surroundings and the people around him. 

Be good role models:

When children have good role models to pattern themselves after, they are much more likely to acquire good manners. Children naturally emulate their parents so make sure that your own manners are the manners that you desire from your children.  Say "please," "thank you" and “I am sorry” often and your children will naturally begin to say them, too.

Be careful of the language you use in front of your children as they will copy your words. If you don't want certain words to become a part of your child’s vocabulary, don’t use them in their presence. Never abuse or ridicule other people in front of your kids. Allowing or encouraging children to be disrespectful towards their teachers is one of the worst things that parents can let happen as it totally mars their personality.

Teach them as they grow:

Teaching good manners to children is a continual process. It begins with teaching them “please”, “thank you” and “sorry.” Even a 2-year old is perfectly capable of understanding the use of these three words. By the time a child reaches the school going stage (3-4 years), he should understand the concept of asking for permission and “May I” should be a part of his vocabulary.

An older child must be taught not to interrupt while elders are talking, answer the telephone properly, behave properly in public and have respect for other person’s belongings and public property. Some other good manners that a child should be aware of are giving up a seat for an elderly person in public place, holding doors open, have good sportsman spirit, empathy for those who are less fortunate and owning up when he/she makes an error. Good table manners, whether inside the home or away and helping to clean up the table also constitutes good manners.

Always praise good behaviour:

Children love to copy their parents and older siblings and if they display good manners, praise them lavishly. No matter how minor the achievement, make sure that you let your child know that you appreciate his efforts and good manners. Correct behavioural mistakes when they occur but never humiliate a child in front of others. Gently remind them to mind their manners as the situation requires.

Use positive re-enforcement:

As a mother, I have found that frequent use of the word “don’t” often sets up a child’s hackles. So instead of saying “don’t be rude,” try saying, “I find this type of behavior very upsetting. Is something troubling you?” Always be firm and consistent. Let your child know that you won’t stand any nonsense. If your child is in the habit of banging doors or kicking toys in anger, make him go back and close the door softly or pick up the toys each time till this habit breaks.

Never encourage rude behavior:

In our society, the tussle between daughters and mothers-in-law in the home usually forces young children to take sides. Any display of temper towards the offending member is considered a source of amusement for the other party.  If you laugh off small acts of rudeness and answering back to adults as “cute” or “clever”, the chances are that these incidents will snowball into bigger issues later on. It is very important to set firm standards of respect in the home. Fight your own battles but leave your children out of them.

Never overindulge your child:

Tantrums never look good not even if the child who is throwing them is 3, chubby and cute. Be firm with your kids and don’t give in to their every whim and demand. The world will not come to an end if the child does not get his favorite toy with a Happy Meal or the latest action figure or the coolest gadget and the sooner he learns this “bitter truth” the better for his future personality. Being an only child or the only son should not be one way ticket to excessive parental indulgence. Children, who are allowed to get away with bad behavior when young, are not adept at controlling their anger when older. 

We must remember that it is not only our social equals who command our respect and esteem. We must be equally courteous towards those who work for us like our maids and gardeners and those whom we meet in the course of our daily lives. The traffic sergeant, salesmen in the grocery store, the receptionist at a doctor’s office, the school peon and waiters in hotels should be addressed courteously too.  

As parents, we do our children no service if we pamper and spoil them to such an extent that they become manner less monsters that everyone fears. Being taught good manners is as necessary for our kids as feeding them so make sure that they get both essentials in equal measure. 

Violence all around

We tend to associate television with entertainment and some fun time after a hard day’s work, but have we ever observed the effect that media has on our children nowadays? Bomb blasts, gun fights, street riots, public rage, strikes, murders…all day long news channels bring into our households depressing stories of bloodshed and violence all around us. 

While adults seem to have become immune to such horrifying reports, our children are becoming adversely affected and this is reflected in their speech and actions.

Image credit: Pixabay.com

It is an alarming fact that words and phrases related to violence are fast becoming part of our children’s vocabulary. For example, a friend who teaches in a school in Islamabad told me that while writing an essay about a shopping experience in a supermarket, few children wrote about customers being robbed at gun point while one child wrote about it being bombed. The worrying fact was that young children had given extremely graphic details of guns, bullets and dead bodies in their essays.

During a parent teacher meeting in my children’s school, parents were advised not to discuss load shedding, petrol prices and politics within their children’s hearing. The reason given was that it was promoting negativity, anger and abusive language among children who were absorbing their parents’ frustration with some of the adverse circumstances that have gripped our country in recent times.

While watching television, the lines of reality can often get blurred for young children. At this impressionable age, they cannot separate fiction from real events.  A number of studies have reported that watching media violence frightens young children, and that the effects of this may be long lasting. When children accept violence as part of life, they also accept it as a means of getting their own way. This attitude can have a very negative impact on their personality as they grow up.

As parents, we want our children to be shielded from the hard realities and tragic facts of life. At the same time, we want them to grow up into informed and educated adults. So how does one strike a balance?

Teach by example:

A wise person once said, “Whatever you want your children to be tomorrow, be that person today.” If grown-ups are frustrated, angry and negative all the time, we cannot expect our children to grow up into emotionally healthy and stable adults. 

Children learn by example and they are strongly influenced by the behavior, values, and attitudes of parents, teachers and other adults in their lives. Values of respect, honesty, and pride in the family heritage and our country can be important sources of strength for children, especially if they are confronted with negative images and tragic news stories on television.

Celebrate small things:

Teach your children to enjoy small things in life. Good marks in school, victory in a cricket match, a new friend, rainbow in the sky or small milestones accomplished by children are all reasons to smile. Once we learn to celebrate and be grateful for small things in life, it becomes easier to resist pessimism and overcome frustrations in face of adverse circumstances in life.

Manage your own frustrations:

Everything is expensive, there has been no electricity all day long, you had a tiff with your boss and there is a mountain of housework to be done…these everyday challenges can put one in a very bad mood and domestic quarrels can flare up easily. Parents who are always angry and always yelling are teaching their children to be angry and abusive too. Whether you attain your serenity from yoga, music, exercise or by sitting on a prayer rug, try to manage your anger and not vent your frustrations on your children.

Teach compassion and responsibility:

Children who like to help others and have a strong sense of responsibility are more likely to have a positive attitude towards life in general. They believe in making the world a better place for themselves and others. 

Discourage aggression in children:

Superman beating villains into a pulp or Ben 10 using special powers to defeat the alien forces…these cartoons and television programmes sow the seeds of aggression in children who feel might is right. As parents we must monitor the content our children watch on television. Try not to buy toy guns or toy military tanks for your children. If you find them smashing cars and shooting siblings in a mock battle, intervene at once and direct their energies towards some other games like riding a bike, reading books or playing cricket etc. 

Keep an eye on the company your children keep:

Make an effort to know the friends your children hang out with. Even if your child is innocent, he could get mixed up with bad company who might make use of his cell phone or computers for fishy reasons. Talk to your children about dangers of peer pressure and how they can overcome it without losing their friendships. 

Children absorb a lot from the environment they are brought up in. While things around us are far from perfect, by giving them a safe and happy home environment and teaching them to adopt a positive attitude, we can literally create a more positive world for them.

First published in Dawn.com

Summer Activities for Children

Keeping the children entertained during the long, hot, summer afternoons can be quite a challenge. For some parents, summer camps provide a solution to this dilemma, but not everybody can afford or choose to spend thousands of additional rupees just to keep the children occupied. Taking expensive trips which involves hotel rents and airfare is also not always an option. Hyper active children cooped up indoors can be difficult to manage but it is equally vexing to watch your children behave like couch potatoes and waste both time and opportunity.

Sometimes as parents we get so involved in the nitty-gritty of daily routines that we forget to enjoy parenthood with those who make our lives complete. So this summer take out time out of busy schedules and create fond family memories for yourself and your children by enjoying simple things together.

Rediscover the magic:

This summer introduce your children to the magic of classic Hollywood cinema. For each week of the month, select a classic and ask your child to read the book first and then watch the adaptation together. Whether it is the delightful Dorothy in “The Wizard of Oz,” the pretty “Mary Poppins,” or brave Jim in “Treasure Island” select books according to your child’s age and get them enchanted by these timeless characters. Older children might prefer “To Kill a Mockingbird,” “A Little Princess” and “The Secret Garden.”  Chuck your household chores for an evening and watch the movies with your children for a perfect Mom and children evening. Don’t forget the popcorns!!

Invest in Puzzle and Activity Books.

Dot–to-dot books, word search puzzles, crossword puzzles, logic problems, mazes, fit-the-word and jigsaw puzzles are great mind boosters and enhance children’s mental capabilities. They are also an ideal way to while away the long summer afternoons when children cannot play outdoors. Be there to piece together a difficult part or help them in their deducing quest. Remember to select books that are age appropriate. Too easy and your child will get bored quickly; too difficult and they’ll give up entirely. 

Help your child start a collection:

Discuss a theme or a topic and help your child become an expert on that specific subject. It could be aeroplanes, boats, birds, coins, dolls, space exploration or any other topic of your child’s interest. Help him collect pictures and information from newspapers, magazines and the internet and compile them in a scrap book or journal. By the end of summer vacations, you’ll be proud of your little resident expert.

Visit historical places together.

Don’t leave it to the tourists to experience the wonderful sights and sounds of your city. This summer make a list of all the historical places and theme parks that are in the vicinity. Remember to include your children’s suggestions and preferences.  Visit the museums, forts, mosques and wildlife parks.  Keep a lookout for advertisements in local newspapers and take them to funfairs, puppet shows, art exhibitions, book fairs and any other activity that they cannot attend during school days.

Help improve their writing skills.

Children normally hate opening their pencil cases if they do not have any homework to do. This causes their writing skills and handwriting to deteriorate during the long layoff. By being creative (read devious!!), you can prevent this from happening. Let your child choose a nice diary or register and ask him to record his daily activities, write book and movie reviews, discuss his favorite television character or write about the trips you are making together. Casually ask him to use a dictionary to help with the spellings. Do not be critical about his work but offer suggestions and praise. This will encourage your children to be more creative, neat and organized and they’ll be improving their writing skills at the same the time.

Get closer to nature:

Children nowadays spend a lot of time indoors glued to television and computer screens. At least once a month, weather permitting, plan an outdoor picnic. Let your kids run around, climb trees, collect leaves, catch butterflies, observe insects, bike or scoot around or simply watch cloud shapes. This could also give them great material for their journals. Take their arts material with you and ask them to draw and paint the natural scenery around them.

Find Apprenticeship for children:

It is never too early for the child to learn the value of hard work and honest living. If you employ a driver, gardener, cook etc. make your child an apprentice for a while or teach your children the basics of these vocations yourself. Give them responsibilities pertinent to their age and make them responsible for that duty. If you or a near relative owns a shop, café, boutique etc. older children can learn the tricks of the trade and earn valuable experience early in the life. Just make sure that the environment is child friendly and does not pose any hazard to your child’s well being.

Exercise together:

Children love to imitate their parents. Buy a fitness routine video and exercise with your children. If you have young kids, they’ll love to tumble around while trying to learn the intricacies of yoga or aerobics. Mothers can work out with teenage daughters and build camaraderie for these difficult years while fathers and sons can head for the nearest gym together. If you prefer long walks in the park, ask your kids to join you as well. While weight loss may not be an issue for growing kids, building stamina, getting fit and staying healthy is always great.

Have a great summer!!

Battling Clutter

Having a clutter free home with one or more energetic kids in the house might seem like an impossible task. As soon as you are done cleaning one corner of the house, two more seem to be clamouring for attention. Babies, toddlers, pre-teens or teens, it does not matter what age group your kids belong to, their scattered belongings can drive you up the wall if you do not have a firm plan on how to counter it.

Sometimes we like to console ourselves with the adage that where there are kids, there’s bound to be some mess. However, research has shown that a cluttered house can have a very negative impact on your mood and health. It makes you feel tired, lethargic and quarrelsome especially if you cannot locate socks, school shoes or important papers buried underneath the mess. And just imagine the horror of unexpected guests walking in through the door with your children’s belongings scattered all over the house!!

Choose toys carefully:

One of the cardinal rules for having a clean house is to have fewer toys for young children. We shower our kids with toys, most of which end up broken, discarded and scattered all over the house. Mechanical and battery controlled toys are the worst offenders.  If your child has too many toys, divide them in half and put one half away. After a month or so, round up the current lot, store it and take out the other half. Choose toys carefully. Balls, bicycles, stuffed toys, building blocks and hard books have a greater shelf life than remote controlled cars and video games which become junk without cells and other easily breakable parts.

Keep things out of reach:

Toys belong to children but this does not mean that they should access to all their playthings 24/7. If clutter drives you crazy, think about putting jigsaw puzzles, bead sets and 1000 piece Lego out of reach of your kids or you’ll spend endless hours picking them up. Put such things in a place from where only you can hand them out.  Designate a play area and place a mat or sheet there. After they are done playing, just gather the sheet from its corners and pour the little pieces in their container.

A place for everything and everything in its place:

Most of the clutter in the house arises from the fact that there is not enough space or containers to store the things in the house. Buy multipurpose colorful baskets or chest of drawers for your children’s toys, games, art supplies, etc. Once in place, teach the children gradually to put away all their stuff after they are done playing. If things are spilling out of cupboards and containers, sort them out for storage or donation.   

Clean up between activities:

This is one of the most difficult but necessary habits to inculcate in kids. Between every two activities, there should be a 5-10 minute break in which children put away their things. For example, after getting ready each morning and before leaving for school, older children must learn to put away their night clothes and breakfast dishes. Similarly, after doing homework and before watching TV, there should be some allotted time, in which they put away their school bags and books before settling down to watch their favourite programme. 

Think before you buy:

Most of us usually buy far many more things than we need. Whether it is shoes, clothes, DVDs, accessories, decoration items, kitchen utensils, we sometimes forget to draw a line and the result is often a cluttered house. This tendency becomes more pronounced during sale seasons if we have kids. Before going on a shopping frenzy, think carefully, if you really need all those “buy one get one free” items.

Pick up things as you go: 

One sure way of keeping the house clean is to pick up things as you go and keep putting them back in their places. Straighten cushions, stack books and clear table surfaces as you go from one room to another to have a spic and span hose all the time. It might seem irksome at first but once it becomes a habit, the house starts looking habitually clean and tidy. It becomes even better when children start to copy your ways and start picking up their stuff without you having to point it out.

Clean a corner everyday:

We all know how quickly things pile up in our closets, cupboards and shelves. Shoes that are no longer needed, clothes that are outgrown, faded bed sheets, threadbare towels, broken toys and hordes of other things which eat up space in our homes. For a house to be really clean and organized, it is important to clear away such debris on a regular basis. Each day, spend some time to clean away one corner of your house, no matter how small.

Keep 2-3 cardboard boxes in the store and keep filling them with things that are not in use any longer. Kids’ booties, caps and rattles that they have outgrown, old books, your daughter’s T-shirt which she has vowed never to wear, your son’s broken toys – all these things can be collected out of sight and then sorted for storage or charity making your house less cluttered. Your sanity and prestige might depend upon it!!

16 Tips To Help You Prepare For Motherhood

Motherhood is a great blessing but it always manages to catch you unprepared. No matter how much you read about it or get information from family members, friends, doctors and media, there is something about the real experience that is slightly surreal and at times bizarre.

Failure to plan means planning to fail and you cannot embrace an important role like motherhood without a lot of practice. So whether you are about to become a new mom or there is going to be another addition to the family, here’s what you should do:

Once a week, collect at least three children… you can borrow them from your neighbours or conscript nephews and nieces for this purpose…. and go shopping for grocery with them. Learn to glare, scold and discipline them while ignoring the amused looks from other shoppers. 

Forget what words like being ‘clean’ and ‘sweet smelling’ mean.  Get in the habit of having milk, custard, yoghurt, mashed banana, cerelac and egg yolk being burped, dribbled, spitted and vomited upon you. And remember that is just one end of the baby working.

Practice fishing out keys, toys and your favourite make up items from toilet seats. Learn not to cry or complain. 

Watch ‘Dora the Explorer’, ‘Blue’s Clues,’ ‘Ben 10’ and Jimmy Neutron all day long. If you get bored, you can watch ‘Baby’s Day Out’ and ‘Home Alone’ but nothing else. 

Learn to convey your meaning within 15 seconds…whether it is gossiping with a friend, having a conversation with your husband or scolding the maid, 15 seconds or less is all the time that you have.

Watch only first quarter of any television drama, movie or show and learn to be satisfied with that. Or watch only the end and train yourself never to wonder about the beginning.

Learn to judge a book or magazine by its cover. You won’t have time to read it.

Know that a tiny head moving from left to right and right to left means NO and whatever you say, think or want is of NO consequence!

Know where the bathroom is located in every restaurant and departmental store in your vicinity. 

Learn to dash from shops to parking lots and back. Practice jumping queues and insisting on being served first. Better buy the stop watches that Olympic athletes use to time themselves. You have no idea how useful this practice will prove to be.

Get used to the horror of leaving your purse behind as you come out with the baby or else it might be the horror of leaving your baby behind as you come out with the purse…. 

Learn to eat meals at a supersonic speed. 

Practice driving maniacally from the beauty parlour to home with just one eyebrow or half upper lip done. It will help you once you get frantic calls from home only to find that the baby is fast asleep in the crib. While you are at it, get used to looking like some zombie character out of the movie Scream 3 all the time.

Remember that your colicky baby can generate as much noise and debate as Hurricane Katrina and Typhoon Belinda on Fox News and BBC channel combined.

Train yourself not to look at clocks and watches because your house will be run on baby schedule. It will always be the time to bath, feed, burp, rock, change diaper and put baby to bed only to be followed by the time to bath, feed, burp, rock, change diaper and put baby to bed all over again in an endless cycle.

Know that in your children’s eyes your views will be archaic, your education outdated and your outlook antiquated, but they still expect you to come up with a solution to their every problem.

Get Set before You Go

The arrival of a new baby is always a matter of great happiness….and one has to admit, a great deal of added housework and responsibilities too. In spite of its small size, the bundle of joy in your arms can increase your workload manifold and occupy a great deal of space in terms of baby clothes, baby products and whatnot.

Whether you are about to give birth for the first time or the fourth, there are a few basic things that you should tackle beforehand. Many women suffer from depression, stress and post-natal blues because they are not physically and mentally prepared to cope with all the added housework. Of course the hormones do not help either.

Give your house a thorough cleaning

You might not consider it a priority but cleaning the house from top to bottom is one of the best things expectant mothers can do before giving birth. In between the second and third trimester, go over each room of your house critically and get rid of all debris and clutter. 

If carpets, curtains and other linen need to be washed, get this done too. Clean out your freezer, fridge, bathroom cabinets and bedside drawers. After the delivery, you might be too busy, too sleep deprived or too worn out to take care of dusty fans or hanging cobwebs. Beside they are not good for the baby’s health.

Create space for baby’s things

Have at least a couple of drawers for baby’s things in a place of easy access. If you are buying new stuff, prepare a list and do your shopping beforehand. Baby clothes, pampers/diapers, shampoo, soap, soft towels and sheets for the baby can all be bought prior to the delivery and should be kept separate from other household linen. If you are using the things which your older children have outgrown, wash and air them thoroughly and put them away neatly in the drawers. Re-arrange your furniture to accommodate the baby’s cot, pram, high-chair etc.

Prepare children for the new arrival

If you have young children, prepare them mentally for the new addition to the family. If you have to leave them with grandparents, aunts or friends while you are in the hospital, talk to them about it as well. It can be very scary for young children if they are suddenly ‘deserted’ by their mother and father and one of the main reasons for sibling rivalry. Also make sure you have help lined up in case of an emergency or an early delivery. You must have someone to call and take care of your children on a moment’s notice.

Fill up freezers, refrigerators and pantry:

Cooking a meal for the entire family will be the last thing you have time for in the early newborn days. Plan ahead and stock the freezer with foods that can be easily thawed and served like kebabs, haleem, chicken stock for rice and soups, and ready-to-cook frozen products.  

If you do the grocery shopping yourself, buy things with longer shelf-life in bulk so that you do not have to run to the market every time you run out of tea, jam, cereals, detergents, sugar, rice etc. Plan ahead for at least four months. Between frequent breastfeeding, nappy changing and other household chores, shopping for everyday things can be quite a burden.

Where there’s a baby, there will be guests. While no-one expects you to prepare gourmet meals for all the well wishers that drop in, common courtesy demands that you entertain your guests with some goodies on the tea-trolley. Again planning and shopping ahead will come to your rescue. 

Get your hospital stuff ready:

Another important thing is to get your hospital bags ready by your eighth month. It is better to use two small bags… one for your baby and other for yourself …rather than one big one which contains everything. This will give you more privacy as the baby’s stuff gets handled by everyone from the hospital staff to nurses to relatives.

Remember to pack a few personal items, such as a toothbrush and toothpaste, a hairbrush, undergarments, change of clothing, comfortable shoes and your own soap and shampoo. There is no need to look and smell like a zombie just because you have given birth. 

Put in your favorite lipstick, other essential cosmetic items and a light fragrance too. It is also prudent to pack your own towels. It is best not to wear any gold jewellery, expensive watches etc. to the hospital so take off any gold rings, locket and bangles that you habitually wear by your ninth month. 

For the baby, you will need at least three sets of clothes, bibs, diapers, wrapping sheets for summer or a blanket if it’s winter, baby pacifier and a feeding bottle.  Baby soap, shampoo and soft towels are also necessary. Pack this stuff and keep the bags in an easy to access place by your ninth month. 

The birth of a child can be one of the most important and scariest times in a woman’s life. Being well prepared and having tackled all the important things before the baby’s birth will make you more calm and ready to embrace motherhood. 

Dealing with temper tantrums in children.

I have two very tried and tested methods of dealing with temper tantrums and I am happy to say that they have been very successful.

Imagine the scenario..a young child kicking his arms and legs about, wailing at top of his lungs and not paying any heed to "please be quiet..please calm down." In my experience, it is impossible to make a child forget his tantrum by saying, "please be quiet." Their volume will only go up and their manner worsen.

My method: I usually look at the child with great deal of interest with eyes wide open but say nothing. The child will soon look at you to see why you are not reacting....

Then I ask, "is this a new poem/song you have learned at school. It sounds very lovely. Can you teach me the lyrics too.?."By this time the child will probably be laughing at the absurd idea and would have forgotten all about his tantrum. This works best when a tantrum is in its early stages. 

My other and even more successful method...just walk away and deprive your child of any audience and his tantrum will stop AT ONCE. When a young child misbehaves, he is only seeking attention.

I usually tell my children, "this type of behavior is not acceptable. Please come and talk to me when you are behaving in a better manner" and then I busy myself with a book, newspaper or kitchen work or I just walk out of the room. 9 out of 10 times, the child will follow you in a much calmer manner.

This way, I have been able to teach my kids that I will not tolerate temper tantrums in my house. My three older ones know that there is nothing to be achieved with howling, bawling, whining or crying. If they want something..they have to ask in a clear voice and a NO by either mom or dad, means a NO.

But I always make a point of asking my children what they would like to have or given an opportunity where they would like to go and then try to get them those things Even if it does take time, my children know that promises will be kept. So I believe that firm discipline and communication act as barriers against tantrums. 

One more thing, for a very small child, just scoop him up and take him in front of a mirror. No child can cry while looking at his own image in the mirror. Try this:-)