If you propose to speak, always ask yourself, is it true, is it necessary, is it kind?”
These wise words have been accredited to almost every sage ranging from Buddha to Greek philosopher Socrates to Sufi mystic Rumi to Hindu guru Sathya Sain Baba and even to Hazrat Ali (ra)
But irrespective of its origin, I wonder what will happen to our society and people in general if we were to apply this adage to ourselves for a week or even a day. I personally think that at public meetings, family functions, work, home, social media and wherever there is a gathering of more than one person, most conversations would come to a complete standstill.
For what would a mother-in-law say to her son about his ‘wayward’ wife when he comes home from work? Or the daughter-in-law about her ‘susral’ when she is among her own family members during a visit to the ‘maika’? What would colleagues talk about when one of their own is not among them?
How will a team discuss their boss as soon as his back is turned? How will the print and electronic media survive if every word they say or write about politicians, sports celebrities and movie stars has to pass through this sieve of “Is it true is it necessary, is it kind”?
How would we survive if after coming home from a family wedding, we would not be at liberty to discuss the bride, her bridal dress, her looks, her make-up and jewelry, the groom, his family, the food, the dowry, the guests and the general arrangements, without adding our own tarka and spice to the real thing.
Unfortunately many among us thrive on just this diet of gossip, rumor mongering, scandal sharing and telling tales. We derive a certain satisfaction from criticizing, ridiculing and saying cutting things about each other. We like to talk about the failures and disasters that befall our family members and colleagues whom we do not like and take a certain satisfaction in the misfortune of others.
In schools and other educational institutes, we constantly find children lying, bragging, backbiting, being rude to teachers, using abusive language and bullying. Children are capable of saying horrible stuff and adults too seem to have little self censorship.
In homes, couples sometimes say cruel words to each other in anger. Parents can say taunting words to children while scolding them. We do not realize how much impact our heedless words can have on the psyche of the other person and how harsh words can gradually destroy relationships.
Parents especially should be very careful of what they say to their children and the tone they use. Saying things like “you are useless/worthless” or “you are nothing and doomed to failure” can have a very bad impact on parent-child relationship. If we learn to control our words and just think before saying something whether it is kind, true or necessary, many relationships can be saved.
Our use of social media adds another dimension to the way we communicate with the world around us. Social media makes it possible to spread gossip, rumors, lies and scandals like wildfire in a matter of minutes.
In fact, according to social media experts, gossip and rumors on websites such as Twitter and Facebook spread in the manner of a contagious virus, To borrow a scenario from a biology book, viruses undergo subtle genetic changes through mutation and major genetic changes through recombination. Similarly facts, information and reality also undergo alarming changes when being spread through social media sites. In matter of seconds, reputations can be murdered and characters slandered.
One look at the content that is shared or goes viral shows that people can become the subject of online or media ridicule due to their beliefs whether religious, social, cultural, political or more. Experts also say that there is an overwhelming flow of fake news and false information spreading across social media which travels faster and further than the truth.
Sitting in our homes, safe behind our computers, smart phones and laptops, most of us never even pause for a second while sending a text, meme or message forward. We never imagine how a person’s life can be destroyed in one moment because of an idle joke, a malicious image, a remark or a false report. Reputation has become a very fragile cheap commodity and when damaged the loss is absolute. Tragically, it can cost people their jobs, relationships, freedom, and their very lives.
Today, more than ever, we need to stop and think about the words we speak and the news we share. One of the best ways of not becoming a part of this rat race is to stay out of the matters that do not concern us. Develop a reputation as a person who does not invite gossip, rumours or tell tales. Try to stick to the truth as much as possible. Think before you discuss a person in his absence or press the “forward” button if you receive a text, meme or joke that is not in good taste.
