Motivation is the Fuel for Success

Have you ever bought a book by your favourite author but cannot read it? Started a new project or chore and can’t find any motivation to complete it? Wanted to learn something new, but gave up after a few attempts? Do you often find that you start something, but lack the energy or will to complete it?

If that is the case, then what you are lacking is motivation. Motivation is important to overcome life's challenges or even to complete trivial everyday chores. If you don’t have motivation, you might even find it difficult to put away your books, clothes, shoes or toys. Lack of motivation will not let you study, try new things or achieve anything worthwhile in life.

Does lack of motivation prevent you from doing what you want? Let’s check out some common reasons why we lose motivation or find it hard to complete tasks or goals that we set for ourselves.

You lack a strong reason to do something:

Sometimes in life, we have to do many things against our wishes. For example, a teacher assigns you a boring book for the school report. Your mother wants you to clean your shoe closet. Your dad wants you to participate in a debate or sports competition. If these tasks go against your wishes, you will not be motivated to give your best.

But in such cases, it is very important to think of a better reason or purpose. Instead of thinking, “What will I get out of reading a boring book like Great Expectations?” try to think :

• “This project is boring, but completing it will show my teacher that I am a responsible and hardworking student”; 
• “I don’t see the point in cleaning my shoe closet again, but it will make my mother happy”; 
• “Being in a debate team is boring, but now that I am selected, my team depends upon me.”

Shift your perspective from “I and me” to other people and if you care about their feelings, you will be motivated to give your best. A wise person once said, “No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, show up and never give up.” This is a good motto to have when you don’t feel like doing something.

Your project is too big/complicated to handle:

Did you plan on achieving something that is too big or difficult, and now you feel overwhelmed? This can make you lose your motivation very quickly. For example, if you planned on learning the entire geography chapter or clean your clothes closet over the weekend or read the entire Harry Potter series in a week, your mind will go “Aaaaaargh!” and you will give up after a few hours.

In such a case, think of your task as a big, ugly monster and break it into small manageable parts. Break down your geography chapter in three to four pieces and study them in the morning and evening, with plenty of rest in between. Count the number of drawers in your cupboard and clean them in batches instead of emptying the entire closet and burying yourself in piles and piles of clothes and accessories.

The famous American journalist Helen Rowland said, “You will never win if you never begin.”

So start your work with a clear plan and celebrate the small milestones that you achieve.

You doubt your own abilities:

Let’s suppose you want to learn calligraphy, but you can’t even draw a straight line properly. Or you want to start kitchen gardening, but you know you lack patience and can’t wait for weeks before the tiny shoots appear from the soil. You want to learn a new language but you are not sure if you will succeed.

Negativity and self-doubt can really kill your motivation. You start a project and a voice inside your head keeps whispering “Why are you even trying? You won’t get there anyway…”

In such scenarios, think of the challenges you did overcome. Tell yourself that even if you achieve little, you would have achieved something and learned something new. Don’t let the fear of failure demotivate you from even starting a project.

Remember the wise words of Confucius, “It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.”

Tell yourself “I will give myself three to four months before I even think of quitting.” You will be surprised how far you have come from the starting point, if you can just stay motivated.

You are afraid of other people’s opinions:

When you fear too much about what other people would think or you can’t handle criticism, you will have a hard time staying committed to a goal. Anxiety, fear of embarrassment and excessive worrying won’t let you stay motivated, because at the first sign of failure you will be ready to give up.

In such cases, either don’t tell anyone till you get the desired results or train yourself to be so confident that other people’s opinion does not demotivate you from achieving your goals.

Let’s suppose you start writing a story or an article for your favourite children’s magazine. But you are afraid that your friends or siblings might make fun of you if it does not get published. Well, you have to ask yourself, will you let such things stop you from trying? Many famous authors got rejection letters from their editors before they became famous.

In words of Aristotle, “Criticism can be avoided easily by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.”

While it is important to respect other people’s opinions, it should not become a roadblock to your own dreams and success.

You do not have a clear vision:

It is hard to stay motivated on a project if you do not know what the end result would look like. For example, you have a bad habit like chewing nails, or getting into arguments, or telling lies, or addiction to junk food or video games. You want to get rid of such habits, and you tried but failed. You lose motivation and think you can never overcome the bad habits.

In such a case, write down all the benefits you will get from achieving your target. Add to this list all the problems you can face if you do not stay committed to your goal. Write down where you see yourself three to five years in future with these issues. How will it affect you as a person and your relationship with those around you?

Imagine the negative consequences as vividly as you can in your mind to boost your motivation for changing your habits.

The ancient Roman philosopher Seneca once said, “Our plans often miscarry because they have no aim. No wind is the right wind when a man does not know what harbour he is making for.”

So have a clear vision of what you want to achieve even if it is something as simple as learning to kick a football into a net.

More tips for staying motivated:

• Meditation and praying for success always helps and so does having a good night’s sleep.

• Take a good, nutritious diet so that you are fresh and healthy to tackle problems. It’s hard to be motivated for any task if your mind is sluggish and your body constantly tired.

• Read biographies of famous people to know how they defeated the odds against them.

• Read motivational quotes because they contain wisdom condensed into a few words which can inspire and encourage you whenever you feel down.

• Helping others or doing a small good deed always has an uplifting effect on your mood, and people who are kind and compassionate are always more motivated in their personal lives.

• Writing a to-do list and striking off things off the list as you accomplish them makes you stay motivated.

Staying motivated until you reach your goals and achieve your dreams isn’t always easy. Often you will feel like the path to success is an obstacle course with hurdles, distractions and stumbling blocks.

And it is easy to lose your energy and momentum somewhere along the way. But it is also a fact that people who are motivated do not waste their time, energy, skills or health in unproductive and futile things. In face of trials, failures and setbacks, they persevere and think of new ways to succeed.

So get up and get going and you will soon leave the starting point far, far behind.

Published in Dawn, Young World, November 27th, 2021

The Three Gates of Wisdom

If you propose to speak, always ask yourself, is it true, is it necessary, is it kind?”

These wise words have been accredited to almost every sage ranging from Buddha to Greek philosopher Socrates to Sufi mystic Rumi to Hindu guru Sathya Sain Baba and even to Hazrat Ali (ra)

But irrespective of its origin, I wonder what will happen to our society and people in general if we were to apply this adage to ourselves for a week or even a day. I personally think that at public meetings, family functions, work, home, social media and wherever there is a gathering of more than one person, most conversations would come to a complete standstill.

For what would a mother-in-law say to her son about his ‘wayward’ wife when he comes home from work? Or the daughter-in-law about her ‘susral’ when she is among her own family members during a visit to the ‘maika’? What would colleagues talk about when one of their own is not among them?

How will a team discuss their boss as soon as his back is turned? How will the print and electronic media survive if every word they say or write about politicians, sports celebrities and movie stars has to pass through this sieve of “Is it true is it necessary, is it kind”?

How would we survive if after coming home from a family wedding, we would not be at liberty to discuss the bride, her bridal dress, her looks, her make-up and jewelry, the groom, his family, the food, the dowry, the guests and the general arrangements, without adding our own tarka and spice to the real thing.

Unfortunately many among us thrive on just this diet of gossip, rumor mongering, scandal sharing and telling tales. We derive a certain satisfaction from criticizing, ridiculing and saying cutting things about each other. We like to talk about the failures and disasters that befall our family members and colleagues whom we do not like and take a certain satisfaction in the misfortune of others.

In schools and other educational institutes, we constantly find children lying, bragging, backbiting, being rude to teachers, using abusive language and bullying. Children are capable of saying horrible stuff and adults too seem to have little self censorship.

In homes, couples sometimes say cruel words to each other in anger. Parents can say taunting words to children while scolding them. We do not realize how much impact our heedless words can have on the psyche of the other person and how harsh words can gradually destroy relationships.

Parents especially should be very careful of what they say to their children and the tone they use. Saying things like “you are useless/worthless” or “you are nothing and doomed to failure” can have a very bad impact on parent-child relationship. If we learn to control our words and just think before saying something whether it is kind, true or necessary, many relationships can be saved.

Our use of social media adds another dimension to the way we communicate with the world around us. Social media makes it possible to spread gossip, rumors, lies and scandals like wildfire in a matter of minutes.

In fact, according to social media experts, gossip and rumors on websites such as Twitter and Facebook spread in the manner of a contagious virus, To borrow a scenario from a biology book, viruses undergo subtle genetic changes through mutation and major genetic changes through recombination. Similarly facts, information and reality also undergo alarming changes when being spread through social media sites. In matter of seconds, reputations can be murdered and characters slandered.

One look at the content that is shared or goes viral shows that people can become the subject of online or media ridicule due to their beliefs whether religious, social, cultural, political or more. Experts also say that there is an overwhelming flow of fake news and false information spreading across social media which travels faster and further than the truth.

Sitting in our homes, safe behind our computers, smart phones and laptops, most of us never even pause for a second while sending a text, meme or message forward. We never imagine how a person’s life can be destroyed in one moment because of an idle joke, a malicious image, a remark or a false report. Reputation has become a very fragile cheap commodity and when damaged the loss is absolute. Tragically, it can cost people their jobs, relationships, freedom, and their very lives.

Today, more than ever, we need to stop and think about the words we speak and the news we share. One of the best ways of not becoming a part of this rat race is to stay out of the matters that do not concern us. Develop a reputation as a person who does not invite gossip, rumours or tell tales. Try to stick to the truth as much as possible. Think before you discuss a person in his absence or press the “forward” button if you receive a text, meme or joke that is not in good taste.

The True Test of Our Inner Strength

There is a very famous Chinese saying: “Great souls have wills; feeble ones have only wishes.”

Whether we want to be more organized, more punctual, have a cleaner home, whether we want to learn a new skill, get rid of bad habits, save more money or get in shape, we need resolution and the strength of will to make it happen. Yet time and time again we prove ourselves weak and powerless against temptations and distractions. 

When our dreams do not materialize, we blame the circumstances, lack of resources, means, money, time, friends and family members and even the neighbours and yet we do not realize the extent of our own fault and lack of willpower.

Simply put, our willpower is our ability to resist short-term temptations in order to meet long-term goals. If I want to save money for a rainy day, I will have to stop myself from running after designer suits every time they are launched or refrain from buying branded accessories. 

The temptation to splurge and throw all caution to wind is very strong as we are constantly bombarded by advertisements in print and digital media that threaten to destroy our resolve. However this is where a strong will power and self discipline come to our rescue.

Similarly, if someone wants to get in shape, he will have to stop eating foods that are bad for his health and get involved in some sort of physical activity. The urge to sit in front of TV and watch the latest Turkish soap or every match that is being aired around the globe may be strong but once a person decides that remaining fit is more important he will have to resist such temptations.

Willpower determines whether or not we will reach the goals that we have set for ourselves or that we can persevere at tasks that are assigned to us. Willpower is the key to success and yet most of us have misplaced this important key to a better life.

Many people complain that they do not have the time or resources to pursue their dreams and goals. I feel that most of the time these are excuses that hold us back. Each one of us is blessed with 24 hours a day. It is how we chose to spend our time and resources and the choices we make that make us successful or frustrated in life.

Instead of watching a mind numbing morning show or keeping up with every Hollywood/Bollywood movie or spending excessive time on social media, we can choose to spend this time on self improvement. The key is having enough resolve to prune away unnecessary activities, expenditure and even people from our lives to be more productive. To have a strong will power we need to look at the following steps:

Know what you want: 

Be very clear about your goal, ambition or dream and set your priorities right. In most instances, what you have to do and the way you have to do it is incredibly simple. For example if you want to lose weight, you have to make smart food choices and get moving. You want to be in a better financial position, you have to cut down unnecessary expenses. You want to have better options in job and career, learn new skills and look for constant ways to improve. What you want and how you can achieve it are simple. The real test is whether you have the will power to do it.

Make a list: 

It always helps to have the goal in writing. It can serve as a reminder every time you lose self resolve.

Believe that you can do it:

Our past mistakes and lapses do not have to define our future. If we have been unable to keep our promises to ourselves, this does not mean that future efforts will also go in vain.

Remove temptations: 

If you have not developed a strong will power, then remove temptations from your vicinity. Avoid window shopping or online surfing if you can’t stop yourself from buying new stuff all the time.

Be Ready for the Struggle: 

It is not always easy to cultivate a strong will power. It is more fun to do things that we want to do rather than things that need to be done, isn’t it? So start in small doses. Let’s suppose eating out frequently is shrinking your bank account and increasing your waistline, decrease the number of time you eat out one trip per month till it is no longer wrecking your life.

Charles Dickens once said: “The most important thing in life is to stop saying ‘I wish’ and start saying ‘I will.’ It’s worth trying.

Series review: Guided Through the Qur'an

“Guided through the Quran” (Bil Quran ihtadayt in Arabic) is a very inspirational series that shows brief interviews of people who have accepted Islam as their religion and their way of life.

The host, Shaykh Fahad AlKandari, has travelled to many countries like Brazil, Sweden, Denmark, Japan, Netherlands, UK, USA and Spain to interview people about their journey to Islam.

The videos are brief, about 20-25 minutes long. They are in Arabic and English with English subtitles and usually the following questions have been asked:

• The life of the person before accepting Islam
• What prompted his or her journey towards Islam
• The time and place of Shahada (testimony of faith declaring belief in the oneness of God (monotheism) and the acceptance of Muhammad ﷺ as Allah’s Messenger) and what the person felt at that time.
• The reaction from family, friends etc and problems faced after accepting Islam
• And last, the verses of the Quran or the surah that affected the person most.

Guided Through the Qur'an

As a person who is born a Muslim, this show had a very profound effect on me. Watching almost 90 episodes spread over three seasons, I felt emotions like gratitude and admiration as I listened to these beautiful and courageous people.

Gratitude, because I was born in a Muslim family and never have had to face the problems that these reverts had to face such as ostracization by family, loss of job, Islamophobia and even brutal physical attacks on women who chose to wear hijab in non Muslim European countries.

And I also felt great admiration because these are the people who struggled to search for siraat-e-mustaqim or the Right Path and remained steadfast in face of all the trials.

One of the amazing thing for me was how much they endeavoured to improve their knowledge of the Arabic language and tajweed to read the Quran and be able to pray because they felt that unless they learn the language, they would forever remain dependant on other people to translate the Quran for them and their own knowledge would remain inadequate.

On a personal level I felt that stories from France were most inspirational. One was most amazing stories was of Arnoud van Doorn, a Dutch politician whose party had sponsored the anti Muslim movie Fitna. However once he read the Quran, his feelings towards Islam and Muslims changed completely and he decided to become a Muslim.

For some people just one verse of the Holy Quran was enough to change their life forever. For some, the story of Jesus in the Quran proved to a catalyst while others were impressed by the scientific facts and miracles mentioned in the Quran. Some searched for peace and some felt lost in a dark world. Whatever the reason, each person had a beautiful story to tell.

If you have never met a Muslim in your life and all you know about Islam comes via news channels, I would request you to watch a few episodes of this show on YouTube.

From Rahim Jung in UK to Yasmeen Rolland in USA, to Alessandro in Brazil to Nicola in France, you will meet some amazing new Muslims who are following their deen with humbleness and piety and are beautiful examples of Muslims which you will never see on mainstream media.

Socks are evil creatures.

Sometimes I think socks are evil things. 

In fact, I am quite convinced that they are sinister beings, whose only purpose in life is to make me miserable and spend precious time hunting them down.

Image credit: Pixabay.com

Why is it that you take off a pair of socks, put them in washing-machine or tub to be washed and when you bring in the dry clothes, all you have is a bunch of mismatched socks.

I have a whole bag of mismatched socks whose twins I am unable to locate. I do not understand how and why this happen but I do have many theories regarding their behaviour.

One theory is, the socks simply do not get along well and one sock walks away from the clothesline leaving its twin behind.

Or maybe they take revenge from us for keeping them on our smelly feet all day long or squashing them in dirty shoes . When one disappears, you cannot wear the single sock and so they are both saved from a smelly day at work.

Or, maybe, the birds carry them away from my clothesline to make their nests prettier and more cozy. I really cannot think of any other reason for their disappearance.

Do your socks misbehave or disappear like the socks in my household?

Good speech!

One book that is often read in my home is titled “Good Character” published by Darussalam.

It contains short stories and anecdotes with moral lessons to inculcate good habits in children and the stories are something children can relate with. It deals mostly with character building, controlling anger, telling the truth etc.

Picture from my own camera

Last night, I read a story to my younger son who has a bit of a temper. I found the story very touching and wanted to share it here (summarized and written in my own words)

A young boy went into a forest instead of attending school. While he was passing through the trees, he sang songs and poems he had learned in school. From afar, he heard sounds as if someone was responding to him and calling to him.

The boy stood still and called out, ”Who are you?” and the voice said the same thing.

He then shouted, “Where are you?” and the voice said the same thing.

The boy thought another boy was teasing him and started shouting bad things at him. He called out bad words and every word was repeated back at him. In a fit of rage, he cut a tree branch, meaning to teach the other boy a lesson. He searched the forest but found no one and came back home tired and angry.

He told his mother about the incident and complained that another boy had been saying mean things to him in the forest. His mother told him that what he heard was actually an echo his own voice. If he had said good things, he would have heard good things only.

Real life can of course be different but I found the story rather profound. What do you think?

A great lesson!

I read this inspirational post on Facebook :

Once a group of 50 people were attending a seminar. Suddenly the speaker stopped and decided to do a group activity. He gave each person a balloon . Each one was asked to write his/her name on it using a marker pen. Then all the balloons were collected and put in another room.

Now these delegates were let in that room and asked to find the balloon which had their name written, within 5 minutes. Everyone was frantically searching for their name, colliding with each other, pushing around others and there was utter chaos.

At the end of 5 minutes no one could find their own balloon and there was chaos all around. Now each one was asked to randomly collect a balloon and give it to the person whose name was written on it. Within minutes everyone had their own balloon.

The speaker explained that this is exactly what is happening in our lives. Everyone is frantically looking for happiness all around, not knowing where it is.

Our happiness lies in the happiness of other people. Give them their happiness; you will get your own happiness. And this is the purpose of human life. 

________________________________________

I think this is a great lesson . In our everyday life if we help someone then we also benefit. Knowledge, skills and experiences grow when we collaborate rather than compete and there is less of rat race.

A Portrait of My Dad

HOW do I begin to describe my  relationship with my father? All my life, he has been like a shady tree that stands unflinching and uncomplaining under the scorching sun, the windy gales, the punishing hailstorm and the heavy snowfall but kept us safe from the harsh elements of weather. And life itself!


He is a man of very few words but every word that he utters is full of love for me and my siblings. He never spoiled us but made sure we had all the necessities of life. He wears very simple clothes usually in same shades of white, blue and gray and prefers not to buy too many things for himself. In fact he has very few personal belongings but he always made sure that we had the access to best health, education and other facilities in life.


In our childhood, he was not really involved in our day to day life leaving most of the decisions to our mother but he was always aware of our victories, school achievements, our joys and sorrows, our childish fears and problems. What ever we used to feel, he felt more for us.


How can I even begin to repay the love and sense of security he has given to us all our life? Even today, whenever I need something, I just have to place a phone call to him,. It is not in his nature to ask too many questions and his response is always, “I’ll see what can get done” and it always gets done. He waves away our gratitude and never lets us even say “thank you.”


He is also deeply religious and one of those few men who seem to have found peace and complete serenity in life. He has been badly hurt by some people close to him but he never lets anger, hatred, greed, envy or jealousy find a place in his heart. It is as if all the negative emotions get washed away by his ablution at night and he begins each day with a clean and wiped slate.

If we ever try to show anger at our relatives, he stops us by a look and now I realize that this has been his way all our life. As I said , he is a man of few words but he commands so much respect that it is always difficult to do anything bad in his presence. He never raised his voice with us and considered all his four daughters a precious gift from God but he never compromised on discipline and good morals for which I am eternally grateful.


My father loves to eat fruits. I have vivid memories of my childhood when we (my sisters or myself) used to peel apples or oranges for him, he would always offer the fruit slices first to us and then put it in his mouth. He loves to have his children and grandchildren all around him and then piling them with food, fruits or chocolates.

He is extremely hospitable and loves to have guests on his dinner table (something which drives my mom crazy). My mom is a great cook and whenever she cooks something special my dad would either call up his sisters or brothers to share the meal with us or have it made into a package to be delivered to their house. Our house was always full of laughter and noise in my childhood days.


I pray to God that my dad lives a long, healthy life. Though I am married, my dad is still my bedrock because with him I can shed my maturity, my years and my responsibilities and be a young, carefree little girl again.

Etiquette of dua: How to supplicate to Allah

The word “dua” refers to sincere and heartfelt supplication one makes to Allah. The dua can be for worldly matters like health, wealth, success and better livelihood. It can also be for spiritual matters like asking for forgiveness for sins, guidance on the right path and for Paradise in the Hereafter.

The dua is actually a testimony of fact that the Muslims consider Allah to be the Creator and Sustainer of the universe and believe that all the blessings come from Allah alone. 

No matter how important or how trivial the need might be, supplicating to Allah shows that the Muslim believes that none on this Earth can withhold what Allah has ordained and no one can grant any such favors which Allah has not constituted in their destiny. Hence it is with this faith and acceptance that a Muslim supplicates to Allah.

Supplication to Allah must be made with complete humility and preferably in a state of physical purity. It is also better to face the Qibla (direction of the Holy Ka’aba towards which Muslims pray). The dua should be made with raised hands and fear of Allah in the heart. The supplication, whether it is for the person himself or for someone else, must be made with a sincere heart. It must not be invoked for sake of showing off or as a false exhibition of piety.

When a Muslim supplicates to Allah, he must begin by testifying to the fact that Allah alone is worthy of worship. He must also invoke peace and blessings of Allah upon his last Messenger, Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). He should then give thanks for all the blessings Allah has already endowed upon him. Then he should sincerely ask for his lawful needs. The supplication should also be made by invoking Allah’s attributes and names like Ar-Rahmaan (the Most Gracious), Ar-Raheem (the Most Merciful), As-Salaam (the Source of Peace) and Al-Khaliq (the Creator). 

A Muslim should also supplicate to Allah in times of ease and abundance, because dua is an expression of remembrance of Allah that is most liked by the Creator. During hardships, one usually invokes Allah for speedy resolution of his troubles, but when a Muslim remembers His Creator during times of happiness, Allah is most pleased with him.

Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: 

“Remember Allah during times of ease and He will remember you during times of hardship.” Narrated by Ahmad.

Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said, 

“The supplication of every one of you will be granted if he does not get impatient and say (for example): `I supplicated my Rubb but my prayer has not been granted’.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

This hadith shows one of the most important etiquettes of supplication to Allah. When a person is in need of something like happiness, success or wealth, one should continue asking Allah without ever thinking that, in spite of praying for a long time, his prayer has not been granted. 

One should never allow frustration, arrogance or even doubt to overcome his mind. A Muslim must firmly believe that, if his prayer is not being answered immediately, then Allah might have a greater reward for him for his patience and forbearance.

Do not be among those who are ungrateful and thankless: My Story

I was born to Muslim parents in a Muslim household. But that was the extent of my being a Muslim. I used to get up for fajr prayers, yawning and grumbling because my dad’s clock was loud enough to awaken the dead. I used to hurry through my other prayers because there was television, college activities and my friends whom I just could not ignore. 

I fasted in Ramadan because iftar things seem more delicious when one is hungry. And I would hand out a few coins to the beggars who would knock on my car window because I had some loose change in my purse after hours of shopping. Yes, that was my extent of being a Muslim.

For the first 20 years, I breezed through my life without a care in the world. I had very loving parents esp my dad who could never say no to any of his four daughters. I had good brains which saw me through school and college. My wardrobe overflowed with colorful dresses and more shoes than I could possibly wear.

When I got married, I was blessed with a beautiful daughter. Next year, my second daughter was born. Less than six weeks after her birth, she contracted viral pneumonia and my life changed forever. It was the 21st of Ramadan and the time was just before fajr prayers when she breathed her last in my arms.

Nothing in my life had prepared me for the sorrow or anguish or pain or the disbelief that followed. We had money to admit her to the best hospital in town. She was under the care of top pediatrician and the hospital prided itself on its nursing care. I was surrounded by my family. She was supposed to get well and not die. Wasn’t she?

Then the anger set in. What had I done to deserve this? What had she done? Why did Allah give her to me in the first place if she was to be taken away just weeks later. Why did I carry her for nine months, and endure the torturous labour pains when she was not meant to live? Why did I have milk to feed her when she was not meant to stay?

I needed answers so for the first time in my life, it seemed, I really turned to Allah. I begged for peace and tranquility and somehow that made me open the Qur’an. It seemed to me that every verse had been written for me and it gave me comfort like nothing else could.

“Truly, it is by the Remembrance of Allah that hearts find rest.” [Qur'an, 13.28]

“And be patient. Surely, Allah is with those who are patient.” (Qur'an 8:46)

I had not been very patient, it seemed to me so was Allah with me? Had I been forsaken and abandoned? And then I began to find answers and it seemed to me that the more I read the Qur’an, the more I got what I sought.

“Do people think that they will be left alone because they say: “We believe,” and will not be tested.

And We indeed tested those who were before them….” (Qur'an 29:2-3)

Don’t we go through motions in life, feeling superior and safe because of our material comforts and wealth? How quickly our faith crumbles when a calamity touches us. How quickly our eeman flies out of the window and we lose hope when grief and sorrow come to visit? Doesn’t the Qur’an say:

“And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to As-Sâbirin (the patient ones, etc.).” Qur’an 2:155

That day, Allah tested me with loss of life that was dear to me and it was up to me to be one of the patient ones. But how? Tell me, O Allah. And then the verse of Surah Rehman hit me.

“Then which of the Blessings of your Lord will you deny?”

Allah had given me so much my entire life. Did I ever thank Him for my loving parents or my caring sisters? Did I ever show gratitude for any of the blessings that He had bestowed upon me? Did I ever say a prayer of thanks for my husband who had tears of joy in his eyes when our daughters were born and wept when our younger one passed away? Did I ever pause to take stock of all the things I had taken for granted all my life and even think about thanking my Creator?

And then another verse that brought me to my knees

“Who say, when a misfortune strikes them: Lo! We belong to Allah and Lo! Unto Him we are returning. Such are they on whom are blessings from their Lord, and mercy. Such are the rightly guided” (2:155-157).

This transient life has no meaning if we do not understand its purpose. Each of us is here because Allah willed and death will certainly overtake each of us. Our prophets, most pious and beloved of Allah, also suffered calamities and sorrow and yet remained steadfast. Prophet Ayub (peace be upon him) said:

“What Allah has taken away from me belongs to Him. I was only its trustee for a while. He gives to whom He wills and withholds from whom He wills.”

When my Creator says that He never puts any burden on a soul that is beyond its ability to bear, who am I to argue otherwise?

“No burden do We place on any soul but that which it can bear.” (6:152)

Verse after verse of the Qur’an washed over me, driving away my despair and bringing solace. Today Alhamdulillah, I have two daughters and two very naughty sons.

Indeed which of the blessings of our Lord can we deny?

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My younger daughter is forever in my thoughts. In her memory, I buy school books for needy children, give away new clothes, toys and shoes on Eid and it is always a wonder to see the smiles that light up those children. Though she is not with me in physical sense, I am very fortunate because there are many women who never experience the joy and miracle of giving birth. Allah has given me this joy and for this blessing I am truly grateful.

At times, I wonder what she would have looked like today. Wearing a pretty pink dress and her front teeth missing? Maybe bent over her school books doing homework? Sometimes I still cry but I have found peace and I know that Allah is never unjust and our trials are a test of our faith in Allah and in Qadr.

The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said, “Strange is the affair of the Mu’min, verily all his affairs are good for him. If something pleasing befalls him he thanks (Allah) and it becomes better for him. And if something harmful befalls him he is patient (Saabir) and it becomes better for him. And this is only for the Mu’mmin.”

Subhan Allah!

My request to those who are reading my story is this. If you have parents or siblings or a caring spouse and children, if you have the ability to see, hear and do things with your own hands and if Allah has given you the means to enjoy comforts of life, please say a short prayer of gratitude to Allah every day.

Take some time to reflect upon the favors of Allah and thank Him as is His due.

“If you count the favors of Allah, never will you be able to number them. Verily, man is given up to injustice and ingratitude.“ [Qur'an 14:34]

Do not be among those who are ungrateful and thankless.

When Lying becomes a Habit

When Lying becomes a Habit

“I’m not upset that you lied to me; I’m upset that from now on I can never believe you.”

We have all lied at one point of our lives or another. Sometimes we tell a lie to escape from punishment. Sometimes we tell fibs so that our friend or sibling does not get into trouble. Some children tell tall tales to impress others and appear cooler, richer or groovier than they really are. Some seek attention and sympathy by lying. Some evil geniuses can even create stories to set friends against each other or get others in trouble.

A lie may take care of the present, but it has no future. 

How telling lies harms the personality

No matter what the reasons for evading truth are, habit of telling lies can be a very destructive personality trait. You might think, “What is the harm in telling my boss that I could not do the project because my wife was so ill, we had to take her to the hospital?” 

Can you imagine your embarrassment when during a chance meeting, this topic comes up and your lie comes out in the open? How deceived your boss will feel and how your integrity will suffer Worst of all, he will begin to question your each and every statement and that will be very unpleasant.

Telling the truth is always the better option, no matter what the consequences. Sometimes it can be really hard. If you think that your classmates/colleagues  will laugh at you if you are not well off or do not have a fancy car and invent stories to impress them, you are actually making matters worse. If you have strict teachers or parents, it might seem easier to lie your way out of an unpleasant situation but it never happens that way.

In trying to cover the first lie, you have to tell another lie and this leads to an endless cycle of lies. And all these lies can come crashing down on your head any time. You will live in constant fear of truth being discovered and it can have a very bad effect on your nerves. You might constantly feel guilty and apprehensive and it will seem as if all joys are seeping out of your life.

What this habit reveals about your personality:

Telling lies is fact an expression of being afraid….. afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us, afraid of facing the reality. Every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger till it gains control over us. When children lie about various aspects of their lives and pretend to be something they are not, they are actually exhibiting inferiority complex and want to appear to be something they are not.

Telling lies also shows weakness of character. A liar makes up stories to cover up something he has done wrong. Or he makes excuses for something he was given responsibility for and did not fulfill. Then when he lies about the reasons, he is in fact being cowardly as he is not willing to take the consequences for his actions.

How to avoid telling lies

Now that we have seen how harmful lying is for our peace of mind, let us try to find out ways how to avoid telling them in the first place.

Show courage and integrity:

If you did not do your school assignment, go up to the teacher, own up and apologize. Maybe you will get a punishment but be a brave and endure it.  You might get another chance and you can use it to finish your work. Once, the whole episode is behind you, you will be stronger, more responsible and conscientious about your work.

Stop and think before you tell lies

Remember what happened to the boy who cried, “Wolf!" Keep on reminding yourself that the truth has a way of coming to the surface. Once you lose people’s trust, you lose the power to be heard by other people - because they will stop listening and believing you.

Confess and apologize. 

When you force yourself to admit that you have done something wrong, you are taking the first step in breaking this terrible habit. Suppose you broke an expensive vase. You might be tempted to say that your five year old brother did it. But ask yourself,”Is it fair? Is this right?” What is the worst thing that can happen? Your parents might be angry with you for a little while but they will always appreciate your honesty and courage when you tell the truth.

Save yourself from total disgrace:

Sometimes people tell lies to create trouble or get others in trouble. This is again a very cruel and wrong thing to do. We must realize that lies always get exposed and then the liar will have to face shame and embarrassment.

Avoid situations that might tempt or cause you to lie. 

If you have friends who are constantly boasting and it impels you to lie, maybe you need new friends or you just need enough self confidence to know that while your life is different from others, it is equally worthy and blessed in many ways.

For example, your friend went to Dubai during summer holidays and you spent them with your grandparents. She has lots of exciting things to tell and you do not have much to say. So what? Maybe you brought lots of laughter and joy into your grandparents’ lives and had loads of fun with your cousins. Who knows…..Maybe your friend did not have such a grand time in a foreign place. Learn to take pride in yourself, your belongings, your family and your heritage and the need to tell lies will go away.

When friends lie:

When friends lie to each other, it can eventually destroy friendships. You do not have to tolerate anyone’s lies. If your friend tells lies in front of you, change the subject or let him know privately that it is not a good habit. Even with words like: “Are you sure?” or “I can’t believe this,” you can let others know politely that you are not falling for their stories. This will eventually stop them. Remember, if you are honest and truthful, it becomes easier for your friends to be open and unpretentious too.

So chuck this bad habit out of your life and enjoy your life!

Fear of Failure

“I won’t be able to do this.”
“I am not just good enough.”
“Why bother trying when I am not going to succeed anyway?”
“I can never learn/perform or be as good as others.”

We all harbor a fear of failure in our hearts. It could be failure to do well in school, failure to qualify for a team, failure to accomplish a target or failure to succeed in life in general. Fear of failure can sometimes be so strong that we do not even attempt to achieve our goal and quit even before we try to get it done. This is because failure is associated with many negative terms like defeat, shame, disappointment and frustration.

It is true that failure can be very traumatic. Sometimes this emotion can be so strong that we decide never to try again. It can shatter our self confidence and make us wary of setting new goals or make any further efforts. And this, young friends, is a big mistake. A wise person once said, “This thing we call "failure" is not the falling down, but the staying down.”

If we allow the fear of defeat to overwhelm us, we will miss great opportunities in life. So how can we overpower this dread of failure that can make us so afraid that we go through life without attempting anything new or try to pursue greater heights? Let’s take a look at this monster and learn how to deal with it.

Signs that you are afraid of failing:

Some signs that you have an overwhelming fear of failure is feeling excessive stress, unwillingness to participate in school activities, not wanting to speak in front of large groups and afraid to present your point of view in class discussion. You might not want to take up any extra-curricular activity, learn a new craft or even take up a hobby.

Causes of this fear:

A bad experience in the past can make some children very reluctant to try again. For example, during a school drama or debate, you forgot your lines and let your team down. Your fellow students might have said something sarcastic or supporters of other teams might have made fun of your mistakes making you feel like a failure. 

Maybe during an important match you have a bad day which could happen to any sportsman. You decide that you have failed and decide to quit. Strict teachers, unrealistic expectations from parents and unsupportive friends can also make such situations worse. 

Being lazy and self centered can also make some children afraid of trying new things and failing in the endeavor. Such children keep on thinking about themselves. “What if “I’ fail? What if ‘I’ can’t do it? What’s in it for ‘me’ anyway?’ Instead the focus should be “By trying, I can make my parents proud. By hard work, I can make my school name shine’ or ‘By giving my best, I can do something for my country’. 

How to overcome this fear:

The first thing you have to tell yourself is that everyone fails at one point or the other in his or her life because life is not a smooth and easy journey for anyone. The setback can come in any form but it should not be the end of the world for you.

The second most important thing is that you have to evaluate yourself honestly. Were you really good enough or were your expectations unrealistic? Did you work hard enough? Did you prepare as much as you should have because in today’s competitive era you have to give your best shot every time. 

The third thing is to pick up yourself and try again…. and again and again. This is your life and these are your dreams. Nobody else is going to fulfill them except you. You do yourself a big disservice when you say “Never again. I quit” because that is when you truly fail. The previous flunks were just temporary setbacks. 

Seek help from others. The future is bleak if you think you know it all.

Never be shy or too arrogant to ask questions from those who can help or guide you. You might face a few rebuffs but every crumb of knowledge helps. 

Read biographies of great people and keep inspirational quotes to help you in moments of despair.

Do you know that failure can teach you more important life lessons than success?

It is true that you learn more from your setbacks, failures and losses than your wins and successes. Failure helps you discover how strong a person you are. It can also show you who your true friends are. It can motivate you to discover your true talent, do more, be better and overcome obstacles. It can reveal your strengths and weaknesses and this self knowledge is key to success in life.
Failure can also make you more understanding and compassionate towards others because you can understand their pain and anguish better. It trains you to be more disciplined, persevere in face of adversity and never take things for granted.

Inspirational stories of great men and women:

Do you know Walt Disney was fired by a newspaper editor? Reason given: “he lacked imagination and had no good ideas?” Disney’s other businesses also failed and he became bankrupt. Today Walt Disney’s name is synonymous with creative cartoon characters and a multi-billion dollar entertainment business. 

Albert Einstein was labeled ‘mentally handicapped, slow and anti-social’ by his teachers. He was expelled from his school. Einstein later became a Nobel Prize winner and world renowned physicist. 

Oprah Winfrey was fired by a TV station where she worked as reporter as she was declared “unfit for TV” because of her weight and bad hairstyle. Today she is one of the most iconic faces on TV as well as one of the richest and most successful business women in the world.

Actor and director Sidney Poitier was told by the casting director after his first audition: “Why don’t you stop wasting people’s time and go out and become a dishwasher or something?” Poitier never gave up, won an Oscar and became one of the most respected actors in Hollywood.

You might not believe it but Michael Jordan was actually dropped from his high school basketball team.

Maybe you keep sending your stories and poems to publishers and they never get published. Failure to see your name in print can make you very angry and dejected and you decide never to write again. Do you know Enid Blyton, Stephen King, Dr. Seuss, Emily Dickinson and Jack London each received hundreds of rejection slips from editors and publishers before they became bestselling authors of their times?

Do you know why these people were so successful in life? Not because they were born lucky or were super-rich or had influential family members.  They all had to battle their inadequacies, their personal problems and yet they never let the fear of failure or rejection stand in the way of their dreams. 

So dream on, work hard and treat failure as stepping stones to success! You’ll be amazed at what can be accomplished!